He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
