I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
