I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
