Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
