Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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