Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize