she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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