so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
