I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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