I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
