You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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