I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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