and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
