hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
