Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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