When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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