You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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