oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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