Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
