Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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