Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
