i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
