It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
