don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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