I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
