I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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