So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
