cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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