Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
