Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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