Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
