I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
