The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
