Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's get the cat blown out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize