On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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