I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
