Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
