Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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