you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
