...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
