i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
