I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
