you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
