I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
me + whiskey = a bad person
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
