I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
