It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
