Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
