Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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