Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
