i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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