Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
