I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
