when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize