is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
