Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
