If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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