Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
