1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you win again, gameday.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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