I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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