Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize