My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
