one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
