I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish i was in the wii world.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
