2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
