so explain again why im purple
no
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They took my balls.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
