Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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