During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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