im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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