I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I forget how to act sober
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
