It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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