where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Be still, my beating vagina.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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