Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
