so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
