they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
