no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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